Tuesday, September 1

WhatTheHeck Post

So in lieu of yesterday's less than cheerful post, I have decided to dedicate this post to the topic of "Really Dumb Writerly Things I've Done." We shall call it a WhatTheHeck Post. If you all enjoy it we could make it a weekly thing. Because I apparently love humiliation.

Oh, I can just hear you all snickering away in gleeful anticipation of my downfall. Don't try to deny it, I know it's true.

Alright, so first I would like to make it perfectly clear that although some of the things you are about to read may alarm you in their over abundance of stupidity, I DO NOT write this way. Not all the time at least. Okay? Got it? Oh, and remember, all of these things were done while I was sober. Completely and utterly, since alcohol and I don't tend to get along. Ever.

-ahem-

Now, because of my bad wrists, my writing has become... well, atrocious. In truth, I've seen doctor's notes that were more legible than my writing. Due to this, I bought a small voice recorder so that at night, rather than write down ideas where they would later be eyed with a mixture of fear and displeasure, I just talk to myself. Much more sane. I think.

Well, having had said voice recorder for a number of months, I have learned some very key things to using the device. First: Apparently you must actually speak out loud for it to record anything. It doesn't record thoughts. Shocking I know, right? And yet, this has become an issue with me. In the morning I will play last night's recording, only to be faced with a lot of silence or the sound of rustling sheets, but nothing more. And then suddenly, BAM I start talking midway through a sentence. Extremely helpful in the whole scheme of things. Not.
For example: silence, silence, sheet moving, silence, fan squeaking as it oscillates, "So yeah. I think that sounds like a good idear."

Blinks in confusion. Handy.

Secondly: Not everything you say sounds as good when you play it back to yourself the next morning. For example: "Bright morning sunlight streamed in through the window, setting the dust particles to glittering like fairy shit."

Ahem. I think we can all see how absolutely God-awful that sentence is. My only excuse is that it was 2:36am and I was clearly very tired. Oh and for the record, this is what the sentence is now: "Bright afternoon sunlight streamed in through the open window, setting the pale pink curtains aglow as they fluttered in the summer breeze."

Quite a difference, eh? Anywho, on to more embarrassment - which, let's face it, is why you are still reading.

Although this one story has nothing to do with my voice recorder, it explains quite well why I use the device. About two weeks ago I woke up with a crick in my neck and the smell of ink in my nose. Confused, I lifted my head only to stare down with bleary eyes at a piece of paper with a single messy word scrawled across it.

Can any of you guess what word was so important that I wrote it down in the middle of the night? No?

"Potatoe."

And yes, I spelt it that way as well. The truly sad thing is, the second I read it I actually knew what I meant by it.

By the way, I later found out I also had ink along my cheek where I had fallen asleep on the paper.

Any stories you'd like to share?

8 comments:

  1. ive woke up in the middle of the night and wrote stuff down. I remember once i wsa having a dream and when i woke up i wrote it down and even attempted to draw a picture of what it looked like.

    The next morning i realized i had written the entire idea across itself several times (like re-writing over the same line) and my picture that the night before looked awesome suddenly was nothing but a scribble. The sad thing is I dont remember what the idea was and deep down I know it was epic...I think

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  2. Well you and I both know I've done a lot of dumb things, but there aren't really any that come to my mind right now.

    I felt like commenting though 'cause your post made me laugh out loud. Like, really out loud. I even called my mom over and got her to read the "fairy shit" part because I thought it was so funny.

    Ahh I love you haha.

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  3. ...setting the dust particles to glittering like fairy shit would be great if you were writing a quirky fantasy. I can almost see reading someone like Terry Pratchett and seeing a line like that. Or if you take it in a sarcastic vein, I can see Harry Dresden saying it. ;o)

    In my own world, I woke up from a dream once and thought it would make an awesome book. I got up and wrote it all down. When I woke up the next day, it read like a cross between Alien and Battlestar Gallactica. (Yes, I dream in Cinemascope.)

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  4. One word: Lovely. Absolutely lovely lol

    I liked it ;)

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  5. Bailey- LOL. I've done that. Most of my notes before my VR are layered like that. Then my wrists went bad suddenly I was looking at a multi-layered language that looked strangely like Arabic.

    Meg- Ah yes, you provide endless hours of entertainment for me in school. Endless. Hours.

    And good! I thought everyone needed a laugh - I certainly did! LOL What did your darling mother think??

    B.E.- Haha yes, if only. Sadly I'm writing a regency. I don't think that would work very well, LOL! Maybe I should change genres? Hm.

    LOL impressive!

    Kimmie- Thanks missy!

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  6. Lol yeah, "I can only find stairs that go down" was enough to provide entertainment for the whole year, regardless of all the other retarded things I've said.

    And my mom laughed. A lot. Not nearly as much as I did, but a lot haha

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  7. Oh Meg dear, that "stairs" thing will continue to provide many more years of giddy laughter in remembrance - worry not!

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  8. Meg/Mum- My mum has the right of it. The stairs will always get me laughing. ALWAYS. I may go a few months without thinking about it and then BAM you'll get home and I'll be laughing. =]

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