Friday, September 11

WTH Post

Yep, that's right folks, I apparently do like humiliation. Lucky you! I mean, it's not every day you get to witness my stupid actions. Well, okay, perhaps some of you are that privileged, but for the rest of you I've decided to post -yet again- about my rather embarrassing acts.

Oh, I know you're all excited to hear this. I can practically hear the little squeak of the springs as you sit bouncing in your chairs.

Alright, here we go...

So Saturday my family and I went to the Highland Games. Unfortunately for me, my parents decided that we needed to get up early to get there on time. Shudders.

Anyway, Friday night I had the plan that I would be in bed by 1am and be asleep shortly thereafter. Well, that was all fine and dandy until I actually lay down and tried to sleep for the night. It didn't happen the way I planned... At all.

Apparently my brain was a little bit more active than the rest of me. Rather than lying there all docile and quiet as I wanted it to do, it jumped from thought to thought, never once slowing down or giving me a break. Imagine a 3 year old hopped up on sugar Easter morning and then times that by 10 and you may have reached the activity level of my thoughts. Not kidding.

Now, of course, my thoughts couldn't be logical, or even sane. No, no, no. Of course not. Why on earth would that happen? My last name is Murphy after all. Aren't we supposed to be the epitome of craziness, and bad luck? Well, in my case (and likely the majority of my family's cases) I fit that mould. At least the crazy part.

But I digress. My thoughts that night were not only chaotic, but slightly insane. They jumped from ridiculous thought to ridiculous thought, from dancing potatoes (there they are again) to giant man eating slugs. Don't ask me, because I honestly DO NOT KNOW. Now, if that was all that occurred during the night, I might have moved on, chalking it all up to being over-tired and stressed about school. But no. I'm not that lucky. Remember people, the last name is MURPHY!

Instead, I tried to argue with myself about the merits of going to sleep. Unfortunately, it is difficult to reason with your own thoughts. Especially when they are so wholly unpredictable. In the end it came down to Me vs. Them. The them of course being my thoughts.

I lost.

Now, I imagine not all of you are this crazy and therefore do not understand exactly what I'm talking about. And for you lucky, lucky souls (or unlucky, I don't know, insanity has its advantages) I'm going to give you a snippet of the "conversation" I had with myself Friday night.


Me: "Okay, time to sleep. Need to sleep. Getting up in exactly 3 hours. Must sleep."

Thoughts: "Nah... OH! Nah... nah...ba-NAH-na. Banana. I'm hungry. The banana's downstairs are ripe and yellowy - Slugs. They look like slugs. Hm. Harry Potter used slugs for potions. They bubble if you put salt on them. I think. I bet that pisses them off. I wonder if they envision revenge. Do slugs have thoughts? They'd eat people. Yep, eat them. That'd be their revenge. Man eating slugs. But only in British Columbia. Slugs the size of your foot they've got."

Me: "NOOOO! SHH! MUST SLEEP! NO THOUGHTS! NOPE, ZIP IT!"

Thoughts: "Zip it, zip it gooooood. Huh, you know, the zipper on my black hoodie is broken - should tell Mum.... Mum's the word is such a funny saying. I wonder how it came into use. Have I used that in my story? Ahh I need to work on chapter 11 tomorrow night. I hope I have time after the Games."

Me: "NOOO! GO TO SLEEP! YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO WRITE ANYTHING IF YOU'RE TOO TIRED AFTER THE GAMES FROM NOT SLEEPING!"

Thoughts: "I wonder if they'll have potatoes at the Games. I mean, I know they're popular in Ireland, but Scotland had them too. Huh, I hope there are lots of the Highland dancers there. AHH imagine a potato dancing around in a kilt -thoughts snicker- Would they have eyes? How would they not trip over their fellow Tatters on stage? Googlie eyes. That's it. - thoughts roar with laughter-"

I think that's enough Me vs. Them for today. In fact, I'm just going to let that whole conversation sink in for a moment. Marinate a little, if you will.

-whistles while rocking on the balls of my feet-

Well anywho... did you notice I questioned how the potatoes would see but not how they'd dance? Apparently the coherence of my thoughts only goes so far.

But anyway, I've got a few more embarrassing tidbits to share.

Now as most of you know, I am not the most coordinated person on the planet. In fact, I'm not coordinated at all. My parents blame this on my inability to watch where I'm going or to pay attention to what I'm doing. I then subsequently blame THAT on my inability to focus on anything other than the characters and stories running amok in my head.

Well, some days are worse than others, especially when heavy lifting and moving are involved. So in other words, last Sunday, which was move-in day for University, was an extremely uncoordinated day. I fumbled boxes, tripped over smooth sidewalks, banged my head on the wall when it leaped into my way, and choked on water when I took a drink and forgot to swallow.
Sighs.

But none of those were as bad as the Kitchen Incident.

Being the tallest roommate in the apartment (I'm only 5'6 but the others could pass as pixies) I took the two highest cupboards.

While putting my food away in the cupboard (above the red arrow) I reached down to grab food from the counter top. However, upon its descent, my elbow connected with the corner of the microwave cabinet which then in turn, caused me to poke myself in the eye with my finger.

Yep, that's right folks. Not only did I bang my "funny bone" but I then managed to poke myself in the EYE.

Some days, I wonder how I've made it to age 19.


Alright, one more stupid event of the past week and then I'll leave you all to your laughter.

While talking to Christopher on MSN a week ago, I came across a word in a blog that I did not know. Unfortunately, I cannot remember the word itself, but I remember what happened.

Too lazy to grab my dictionary (which was packed away) I asked Christopher if he knew the word. A moment later he responded with FIRE DRILL.

Confused, I eyed the word in question for a moment before deciding that my boyfriend was being an ass, in a joking manner of course.

Taking his answer as a hint to look it up myself I pulled up Internet Explorer and searched for the word. The definition I arrived at was not about fire or drills and certainly not about the two together. Frowning now, I went back to the conversation window to jokingly tell him off. It was then, just as my cell phone vibrated beside me with "Christopher" flashing boldly across the screen, that I realized that he hadn't been answering my question, but in fact had been telling me that he was having a fire drill at school.

It took me 5 whole minutes to realize it.

I'll leave you with that for today. I think I've embarrassed myself and worried you all enough for the day. Just remember, craziness is a sign of creativity. And since you are all creative in some form or another (writers, painters and graphic design arteests) you all have some form of crazy in you. Don't lie to me. I'm on to you.


Eyes you all.

*Picture from 1st year of college. The layout of the kitchen is the same.*
** Yes, before any of you ask, the whole "thought" conversation DID take place. When I woke up the next morning (yes, I eventually fell asleep) I wrote down jot notes to remember.**

7 comments:

  1. Dear sweet Gnatie. Don't worry about your post sounding to CRAZY, I don't even think you've even come close to scratching the surface of your encyclopedic disfunctionality.

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  2. Sorry about your pain, but I couldn't help but laugh over the whole hit your elbow/poke your eye thing. I do things like that, and so does my daughter. She did a whole stubbed her toe/broke her ankle thing a few years ago that was classic. It wasn't funny at the time, but we can laugh about it now.

    And your thought streams sound pretty normal to me. But then again, my thought streams are pretty hard to chart. I figure as long as I don't drown in them, I'm ahead of the game.

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  3. sigh. really big sigh. You truly are our only retirement plan hunh? siiiiggghhh. ;-) Love you!

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  4. Craziness is a sign of creativity...I like the sound of that! I'll have to use it in my own defense every time I act like an idiot. :)

    The comments from your Mum and Dad made me laugh just as much as your blog post. I can see where you get your sense of humor from. I bet you have a fun time at family events. :)

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  5. Dad- Thanks. Thanks a lot. LOL!

    B.E.- LOL its okay, my parents laugh at me all the time. At least I provide them with entertainment!
    Stubbed her toe/broke her ankle?! WOAH! She and I would probably get along quite well... except we'd be a menace to anyone around us.

    LOL I'm glad I'm not crazy... at least by writer standards.

    Mum- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Watch it, or I'll make you live with Dad in a cardboard box! =D

    Jenn- LOL yes, my parents and I are a lot of fun when we're together (which is most of the time...) I'm pretty sure no one else in the family understands us, but at least we're having a grand time!

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  6. Heh. She was walking out of her bedroom and kicked the moulding stubbing the little toes of her left foot, after which she was hopping around in pain, and came down wrong on her right, causing a hairline fracture. She won't be doing that ever again, I think. She comes by it honestly, though. If we all got together, we could be a three-woman wrecking crew.

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  7. LMAO! Wow, she sounds like me. She really, really does.

    It sounds like you and your daughter have a really good relationship!

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